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“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others.”
For me, this was the absolute most complicated step I did. It wasn’t the amended letters of those I hurt because of what I said or did not do. It was forgiveness of those who harmed me sexually as a child. It took a lot of prayers, meditation, and spiritual growth to make my choice. If it were not for step 3 and surrendering to God and letting Him carry the burden, I would not be able to write the discussion topic.What are your thoughts on step 9? We must admit we were wrong and possibly forgive others who have hurt us deeply.
When you completed Step 4, did you get help from your Sponsor or complete step 4 on your own?
As Catholics, we believe in the power of reconciliation; Catholic in Recovery has a pamphlet about reconciliation for anyone who may need a refresher on the sacrament. A part of step 4 is to confess your sins/wrongdoings to someone other than God.
Have you done this, or is this still a process you need guidance on from a sponsor or priest?
Did you have a difficult time completing step three? If so, what was so complex or challenging in giving your will up to God?
How did you first realize that you were powerless over your addiction(s)?
How did you discover Step 1 of the 12 steps?Powerlessness was not a word that I would use to describe myself. I was in complete control of my life and what I did. Yet every attempt to stop my “bad habits” failed. I sank deeper into my sin/disease, trying to figure out why I felt so lifeless, depressed, and out of sorts. I would be exhausted by 2:30 in the afternoon and sleep till 5:00. The process would start at 9:00ish until late at night.
During my worst period of addiction, I did not realize I was powerless. I did know nothing could break the obsession I was in to get my fix. Hours passed by, but it felt like seconds.
The double life I was living took its toll. I was growing weaker as the days turned into months passed. I began losing my sense of self. Who was I? I was submissive to the power of my addictions. I lied to everyone. At the drop of a hat, I would become enraged. I made many amends because of my behavior.
I was powerless against my addiction. I do not remember blocks of time. My addiction was pornography; I overdosed on dopamine and other chemicals produced by the brain as if I snorted cocaine. I became a slave to my vises.
I can talk about it today because I have found healing and power in telling my story. I am no longer a victim of my sin disease because I chose to face it head-on and beat the addiction that caused so much harm to my family and me.
Some habits are harder to break than others.
My experience has been some of the habits, compulsions, and addictions were easier to break than others. For example, I smoked almost two packs a day for several years due to stress and anxiety at work. I was about to turn 40 but I did not want to be dead by 50. I took up running. For a while, I would run and smoke after, yay, I know what your thinking. It wasn’t bad I could do it. I added biking to the mix and reality hit me. What use to be my number one top sport was now my worse sport. Smoking took a tool when claiming hills and sprinting. At one point I could reach fast speeds plus 35 MPH now I’m barely at 15 and feel like I will die.
One Sunday on a ride I decided no more smoking I was going to train for a triathlon a sport that combines swimming, biking, and running. I had nine months to train for a 5k, a mini tri. My last cigarette was on September 26, 2007, and I have not had one since.
I tried this same strategy with three other addictions Coca-cola, spending, and porn. I failed until I started the 12 steps and the Big Blue Book, Catholic In Recovery, and Pray. I have been sober from porn for 15 months and continue to work on my other two addictions.
What I find helpful is if the sponsor has similar addictions and life experiences. Relatability helps when sharing experiences but it is not a requirement. One should feel comfortable, safe, and open with the sponsor when talking about their addiction and any significant trauma or events in their life.
Find a person who has completed or nearly completed the 12 steps (beyond Step 7). This will mean your sponsor is working on the removal of his/her defects and shortcomings. The person you select should be willing to be there for you. If you feel as if you are going to act out call your sponsor, and spend at least 30 to 60 minutes with them working on step work each week. A sponsor is your champion, coach, supporter, mentor, and drill Sargent wrapped into one.
They are an important tool in recovery!
