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Sign Up Forums Twelve Steps Step 1

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #43907
    Dan
    Keymaster

    Welcome!

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Dan.
    #44150
    Tim
    Moderator

    How did you first realize that you were powerless over your addiction(s)?
    How did you discover Step 1 of the 12 steps?

    #45928
    Celeste Robichaux
    Participant

    I have to say I proved it to myself by trying in vain – many times – to control my addiction on my own.

    I knew in general about the 12 steps, but had never really learned anything about them until I read 12 Steps and the Sacraments.

    I am in a small workbook group. I cannot recommend it highly enough. The five of us have really gelled, and we are moving and grooving with the Holy Spirit! We are from all over the country, but we are united in our goal to follow the 12 steps to recovery.

    Celeste

    #46038
    Lynn Moser
    Participant

    I was powerless and still feel vulnerable to this disease when I wasn’t able to stop. Until my intervention over the past couple of months with being faithful and prayers. I wanted to stop and the grace and mercy of God has helped me one day at a time,
    Lynn

    #46184
    Kathy G
    Participant

    Hello and Happy New year to everyone!

    I will be posting a write-up on one of the 12 Steps each month this year. I will be doing it from the perspective of a betrayed partner of a sex addict. I will first write out the Step according to the 12-Step program I am working (ISA – Infidelity Survivors Anonymous). I would like to ask others to join me in this endeavor by posting their own Step each month and their reflections on it. This will be a great resource for others joining CIR+ and how we can join our respective 12-Step Programs with our Catholic faith when working the Steps.

    My ISA STEP ONE reads: “We acknowledged our powerlessness over other people’s sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

    The two principles that stand out to me are “acceptance” that I am powerless and “honesty” about the unmanageability of my life. If I cannot accept that I am powerless to change my husband’s behavior, I will continue to try to control it, making things worse. If I cannot accept that I have been traumatized through no fault of my own, I will continue trying to run my life as if I were not sick, running myself into the ground. If I am not honest about how unmanageable my life has become from the discovery of sexual betrayal, I cannot make different healthy choices to help my brain come back online.
    When I first came into ISA, my trauma was so great that I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, lost weight to the point that I weighed under 100 lbs and my hair was falling out in clumps. I was in complete shock that I had no idea that my husband had been sexually acting out for years. I admitted and accepted my powerlessness over this discovery of infidelity and the effects it had on me. But before I got to acceptance, I played private investigator, looking through his phone, emails, and tracking him. I was told that this was normal in the beginning because I was seeking safety in an unsafe situation and did not have any tools to combat the gaslighting that had been going on in my home. It made me feel crazy. I didn’t know what reality was and what was a lie. I felt my whole married life was a lie. Because of the confusion, shock and trauma, I spent many hours trying to figure out what, how and why this could have happened. As a result, I neglected my health, my children and everything. My kids cooked their own meals and homeschooled themselves while mom spent many hours on the phone, investigating, going to therapy, meetings and our home fell apart. Once I realized that there were no answers that would satisfy me, because there is no rationale for an addict’s behavior, I admitted and got honest about how unmanageable my life had become. The beauty of Step One is that the burden of fixing myself, my trauma, and my husband was lifted from me with the acceptance of powerlessness. When I got honest about the choices I had made in my traumatized state of mind that resulted in my life becoming unmanageable, I was able to learn good self-care: always have a protein shake in case I can’t keep food down, went to the doctor to get something to help with sleeping, learned how to destress using Catholic Mindfulness, and to exercise (take a short walk) when I could. These choices helped my brain function again. I learned to set boundaries with my husband, how to make requests and agreements. This helped in the recovery process immensely! And I learned to always listen to my Higher Power, Jesus Christ, when He tells me to act! You see, He revealed to me some months before joining ISA, when my husband’s drinking was spiraling, that I should take my 5 kids and leave him, drive from Houston, TX to Spokane, WA to live with my parents. He never put the DIVORCE word in my head, just to leave. I personally thought it was over-the-top to leave him but had no idea what else to do. I had asked God for direction. No matter who I turned to, priest, sponsor, or spiritual director, I was given the green light. Looking back in hindsight, I don’t know that I would have ever found out about the sexual betrayal and had a full therapeutic disclosure had I not left my husband for a time. Thank God it never came to a divorce…yet. I keep in mind that this is a one-day-at-a-time program. God knew what it would take – me leaving him, two stents in rehab, for my husband to finally surrender and turn his life around! Today I am grateful for his recovery and my 12-Step programs!

    #46358
    Amy G
    Participant

    Kathy thank you for sharing your story and instilling hope! I’m currently at step 1. I know I need to be in a support group though I’m still a little discombobulated with what this is all about and what recovery will look like for me… and how exactly God wants me personally to work through the 12 steps. I know I have unhealthy attachments in my own life but originally I felt my need is more to do with recovering from betrayal trauma. I’m aware of how much I don’t know and that is quite scary! I just want to make the right choices. Praying for clarity and guidance. I’m just wondering is there a particular type of person/situation that S-Anon works best for and another type of person/situation that ISA works better for, or is it merely a matter of preference?

    #46385
    Kathy G
    Participant

    @Amy G – I’ll answer this question in the thread FAMILY ADDICTION > SPOUSES OF LUST ADDICTS

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