It is in the searching and fearless moral inventory of Step Four that we uncover this truth. During my own fourth step, I was humbled to find a great resentment toward the alcoholic loved ones in my life. I had an insane belief that my life and happiness depended on them; that they must get sober if I was to be okay. I gave everything in order to make this happen, and many of my actions seemed self-sacrificing and generous. But the more I gave, the more I expected them to get sober. And the more fear, grief, and anger I felt when they failed to do so. This was a vicious cycle. What had started out as a loving action turned into a poisonous resentment in my soul. This poison actively blocked me from God, the very power I needed to be free of my addictions and unhealthy attachments.

It is only through God’s power that we can rid ourselves of this poison of resentment. We must start by turning our will and lives over to Christ as we do during Step Three, asking for the willingness and power to do things differently. We must take our manipulative and controlling actions into confession, asking for forgiveness. We must become willing to make amends to those we have harmed, praying for the detachment needed to remove our dependence on others and for the faith to give them over to our loving Father. Moving forward, we must remain vigilant, asking in prayer daily these Step 11 questions: Where have I been self-seeking? Where have I been giving in order to get?

By working the Steps and receiving the sacraments of our Catholic faith, we participate in the Holy Spirit’s action of transforming our souls. And slowly but surely, our selfish hearts come to more closely resemble the total and selfless love of Jesus Christ.

Reflection Questions

• In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus instructs us to invite the poor, crippled, lame, and blind because of their inability to repay us. How are you following this instruction in your recovery and life?
• How are your biggest resentments tied to unfulfilled expectations of others? What steps can you take to release yourself from these expectations of getting what you feel you are owed?

Daily Mass Readings

First Reading: Romans 11:29-36
Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 69:30-31, 33-34, 36
Gospel: Luke 14:12-14

Reflection by Ann A.