I must admit that for many years I completely mistook Saint Teresa’s words. Truth was, prior to recovery, her message seemed more like a grim warning than a hopeful promise because in my head what she really meant was, “God withholds himself from everyone who does not persevere!” This was because I conflated perseverance with self-sufficiency. Overcoming habitual addictive sin was entirely dependent on my will, effort, and initiative alone. In my moral universe, God gave the commandments, Jesus set the standard, and my obligation was to “prove” my mettle and worth and earn my way to Heaven. Predictably, when my repeated attempts to “white knuckle” my way through compulsions inevitably failed, I became angry, demoralized, and more convulsively addicted. And that left me with only one option which was to swallow my pride (and that sometimes took months!) and go to confession. Filled with resentment, I could barely condescend to “let” God bail me out yet again.

The fatal flaw in all of this was that I was deaf, dumb, and blind to the breathtaking narcissism infecting my soul, ensuring the addiction cycle, like a runaway train, would roll on unabated as my self-centeredness and shame continued to get the best of me. What I truly did not comprehend was that God already loved me and that His grace was never meant to be the last straw. Rather, Christ intended it to be an indispensable and irreplaceable lifeline to Him, like an umbilical cord connecting mother and child in the womb. What I utterly failed to appreciate was that God already knew I was totally incapable of persevering against sin without His help. That is why Christ, in His inexhaustible mercy, magnanimously condescends to “let” me partake in the unmerited life-saving gift of His sanctifying grace.

Recovery has taught me that perseverance in the spiritual life was never about being self-sufficient. Rather, it was about being God-sufficient, for Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for [My] power is made perfect in [your] weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Perseverance means living every moment in trusting dependence on God’s Providential Love, even and especially when we fall, confident with a contrite heart that God unwaveringly restores us like the Father embracing the Prodigal Son. It means being patient, acknowledging our brokenness, accepting our powerlessness, staying close to Christ in the sacraments and prayer, and no longer allowing our pride to block God’s saving presence in our souls. For it is only in radical trust that we can receive God’s healing power and recognize that He will work conversion within our hearts, bringing His good out of our evil. And it is only in radical humility that we can truly rejoice in the knowledge that God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres.

“When I say, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your mercy, O LORD, sustains me; When cares abound within me, your comfort gladdens my soul” (Psalm 94:18-19).

Saint Teresa of Avila, pray for us!

Reflection Questions

• How do you understand “perseverance” in your recovery?
• How has living humbly and with trust allowed God to work his mysterious and saving action in your soul?

Daily Mass Readings

First Reading: James 1:12-18
Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 94:12-13a, 14-15, 18-19
Gospel: Mark 8:14-21

Reflection by Pete S.